Help Luis CT

My name is Luis. I am from New Britain, CT. I am a survivor of child sexual abuse. On January 16th, I became homeless because of it, unable to tolerate walking into the home I had been raped in, over and over, the home my rapist had pretended to be my father in. For a few days, I didn't have to go back to that apartment, and I was the happiest I've ever been. On January 19th, a person who had been harassing me since November of 2021 called the police on me on account of my purportedly being a vandalism liability. On January 21st, I signed a lease for a new apartment. On February 9th, the story changed to the police being called on me on account of my purportedly being a suicide risk. The person who harassed me never could quite decide which story to stick to, and the people around me buried their heads in the sand. I was made to feel alone and unsafe. I stopped being able to feel my connections to other people. On February 28th, I lost one of my closest friends. 

On March 4th, I was briefly hospitalized. On March 11th, I stopped being able to go to work. From March 14th until about March 17th, I did not move a muscle - I did not roll over in bed, I did not eat, I did not drink water, I did not shower, I did not use the bathroom. I couldn't. From March 14th until about March 20th, I did not leave my apartment for any reason. About March 25th, I quit my job, as I knew that I was never going to be able to work there again. By the end of March, I had started feeling better. On April 3rd, I did laundry for the first time in a month. I thought about starting a marketing company, or getting a job. 

On April 3rd, 2022, at 60 Court Street, New Britain, CT, around 10 PM, my neighbor was shot. You can look up the news stories. I tried to keep him alive. I failed. I tried to stay in my apartment, but I kept walking past reminders of my failure, of a man who had been loved dying on my watch. I started seeing him in my apartment. On May 1st, 2022, I became homeless again. I spent a few days couch-surfing and sleeping in my car, and then I spent six months in a spare room in a mentor's home. 

On June 9th, I was accused of harassment and manipulation for defending myself in the face of my previous harasser defaming me. I was told that I wasn't taking care of myself, that I wasn't making difficult choices. This was false, on all counts. Nobody stood up for me, so I cut the rest of my friends out of my life. From June 14th until June 19th, I worked at a theatre in Berkshire, MA as a carpenter courtesy of an acquaintance recommending me. On June 19th, I found myself in a state I didn't know, with no money, no gas, and no cell service. I lucked out, and my credit card allowed a transaction over the limit. My logistics were over-extended, and I did not want to risk finding myself in the same situation a second time, so I drove back to CT. From July until October, I tried a couple of jobs that didn't work out on account of my various disabilities. On July 27th, while I was on a date in Waterbury, trying to find a modicum of enjoyment in my nightmarish life, my car was vandalized to the point of being totaled. Using the insurance money, I bought a new one. On September 16th, there was a shooting in New Haven while I was there on a canvassing job, and my car got held up behind the police line for four hours. I tried driving for Uber, and for a little while, I could almost believe that it was going to work.

After six months, I started searching for an apartment. I thought being responsible for something would force me to make ends meet. On November 1st, I managed to find an apartment. I found out I had been wrong about thinking I could take care of myself. From November until January, I was depressed, bed-bound, immobile. I came to the conclusion that I was no longer capable of what I had been capable of a year ago, and that I likely never would be. I have survived five years of child sexual abuse, fifteen years of my rapist pretending to be my father, failing to keep another person alive, two brief rounds of homelessness, and losing all of my friends. I am severely traumatized. I am severely depressed. I am severely disabled.

From January of 2023 through the present, I have been dealing with the Social Security Administration, the Department of Labor, and Department of Social Services. As of June 10th, I have gotten about $1,000 in unemployment, and about $800 in SAGA, a state program meant to serve as a band-aid for disability's endless lead time. The rest of my existence has been funded by debt on my part and the part of my mother - debt that I am no longer capable of sustaining. The Social Security Administration has deemed me ineligible for disability benefits. I have been denied once for SSI and twice for SSDI. I do not have the money to endure years of hearings. The Department of Labor has accepted my claim of disability, yet have refused me nearly $3,000 of unemployment benefits on account of multiple issues caused by their own incompetence and refusal to accommodate persons who are severely depressed and traumatized, who are bed-ridden, who are unable to respond to solicitations properly. According to the government, I am neither disabled nor unemployed. According to the government, I do not exist. 

I spend days in my bed, depressed, unable to move. What little energy I can muster is sometimes not enough to feed or shower myself, sometimes not enough to take care of my apartment. At my best, I have enough left in me to cook and shower and vacuum. I do not have enough left in me for work. I am afraid that I am going to become homeless a third time. Please help me.